If you’re like most people, your first thought is probably: what is a doula? A doula (pronounced doo-luh) is, in the most basic sense, a labor assistant (read more here). I had never heard the term until a friend of mine used a doula nearly six years ago for her first labor and delivery. I thought it a strange word at a time, and the concept itself seemed rather foreign as well.
When I was pregnant with Eli it didn’t occur to me to hire a doula. A couple friends recommended it, but I figured, “well, my body is going to do this the way it’s going to do this, how would having someone I barely know there with me be of any help?” Again, a naïve sentiment, but only in hindsight. And only because my labor and delivery with Eli didn’t go well. Had it gone well I probably wouldn’t have considered the idea this time around, either.
But here we are.
Initially I had an interest in hiring a doula because I knew I was going to be delivering at a hospital that is: 1) not very labor friendly in general, and 2) was not going to be supportive in the least of my attempt at having a VBAC. I felt like having a doula on my side, helping to coach me along, would help to offset some of the anxiety I was feeling about my less-than-ideal birth location.
Why didn’t I just switch care providers/hospitals? Long story short my husband, son and I had temporarily re-located to Michigan for seven months as my husband had work there. I knew we’d be returning late in my pregnancy (34 weeks) and I love my OB in L.A., who had said from the get-go he would be supportive of my VBAC attempt.
Well, we’d barely been back in L.A. two weeks when our well-laid plans began to crumble. My OB started telling me that I couldn’t say VBAC at the hospital and that we were at least going to have to schedule my c-section to make it look like we were “playing by the rules” (the hospital, for reasons I do not understand, had deemed me a mandatory repeat c-section).
Then the avalanche of negative feedback kicked in. How reviled is this hospital? The first doula we interviewed refuses to attend births there because they are so labor unfriendly, but was willing to make an exception as a favor to a good friend of mine. Then, three days later, at my first chiropractic appointment here in L.A., the chiropractor asked me why I decided to deliver at that hospital.
“I really like my OB, and it’s where our insurance covers us,” was my reply.
“Well, your insurance also covers you delivering at X, Y, and Z hospitals,” he responded. “How badly do you want a VBAC?”
I didn’t have to think long. “Very badly.”
“I hate to tell you this, but you’re at the worst hospital in L.A. for what you’re trying to do.”
I couldn’t ignore the growing pit of anxiety in my stomach. It felt so late in the game to make a switch this major.
Two days later I switched OBs and hospitals. The following day I learned that my original OB threw out his hip and was going to require surgery and would be out for 6-8 weeks, minimum. In other words, I would have had to switch OBs anyways.
The decision felt right.
The hospital I am now delivering at has midwives on staff 24-hours a day. I decided this would suffice as support, that I would simply call a midwife in if I was struggling, or if this baby happened to be asynclitic as well.
The reassurance that the hospital was now behind my decision to attempt a VBAC meant my anxiety levels came down, a lot.
I decided I didn’t need a doula anymore.
Well, for about a week. Then I began to realize that while yes, my anxiety levels had dropped and I felt better about the environment I would be delivering in, I still was having some serious self-doubt about my ability to deliver this baby without medication (not an absolute requirement, but strongly recommended when attempting a VBAC).
I wanted someone there with me that had been through this before, that could suggest techniques, reassure me in my moments of waning confidence, and generally offer guidance.
Doulas are a varied bunch. There is a wide range of experience. Some doulas specialize in massage or hypnobirthing or acupressure or…
After speaking with a couple doulas, I found one close to my age, Gracie Davis. She isn’t the most experienced doula I spoke with, but she had a c-section with her first and a VBAC with her second. She immediately understood where my self-doubts were coming from, and having someone that “got it” suddenly became the most crucial form of “experience” in my book. Her demeanor is so calming. She has already worked hard to familiarize herself with my previous birth experience, my concerns, and my hopes for this upcoming birth. We’ve talked about how she’ll communicate with me, what she’ll suggest, and how she should interpret my responses to her.
I never imagined I would “need” so much extra assistance to get through this process. Sometimes I feel like I should be able to buck up and just do the damn thing. But knowing that had I been better educated AND had a doula last time that my labor and delivery experience may have gone differently … well, I want to know I did everything this time around, for the baby and for myself.
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