Get Out While You Can

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Update – Several of you have inquired about the outcome of my OB visit.  First off, thank you for your concern.  A few of you had ideas, suggestions, etc. as to what may be causing my problem.  I appreciate the support, and am once again reminded that yes, I should be as open and honest as possible in my little corner here. 

The good news is that my ultrasound came back normal.  If “things” don’t completely stop soon (I’m attempting not to gross anyone out this post), then I will be put on the pill for a couple months to force my body into a cycle.  It was a huge relief to know there is no need for some kind of procedure, which would only further prolong my already slow recovery.

Enough about that…

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So in the last two weeks I have been able to go out with my husband not once, but twice for dinner.  No, don’t rush over that sentence.  Okay, in case you missed it, I have spent time alone with my husband outside of our home TWO times in the last TWO weeks.  Prior to this, the last time we’d spent any time together sans child was way back in November 2010. 

There are several reasons for this, the main one being we were living on location while Vinny worked, away from family and friends, and I am paranoid beyond belief about having someone I do not personally know well watch our child (now children).

And now, as I continue to breastfeed our second child and avoid my breast pump as much as possible (I can’t help it, I know it “buys” me freedom, but I hate pumping), we are once again reduced to life revolving around my boobs and Sophie’s feeding schedule.  Mind you, I say this with no irritation or ill-will.  It’s my choice to do this, my preference, and in the grand scheme of things, committing a year of my life to feeding her is a blip on the radar.  It flies by. 

All this being said, would I like to “get away?”  Would I like to spend time just with Vinny on occasion?  Hell yes.

Thankfully, this is starting to happen (a rather huge perk to our cross-country move).  We enjoyed an evening out courtesy of my parents, and then a little more than a week later (and 200+ miles away) an evening out with Vinny’s sisters and their husbands, courtesy of his parents.

You’d think I would be totally and completely thrilled to have this time away.  And mostly, I am.  But I do find myself lingering between wanting the time away and then feeling like I am going to miss something while I’m gone.  Evenings are toughest.  Although it is the most draining part of the day, it is also my favorite time of day with the kids.  I love the last bit of cuddling in the evenings: rocking Sophie to sleep, reading Eli a couple bedtime stories. 

Knowing that Sophie is our last, there is part of me that doesn’t want to miss a moment.  She is growing and changing so quickly.  Then there is Eli.  He is so much fun each and every day.  I love this age with him, and know that I will look back on this period with longing when he is older.

Of course we all need a break from the wee ones now and again.  But I never anticipated leaving them with so much reluctance, even for a short two-hour break. 

In the end, the time away always does me good.  I feel recharged, refreshed, and thankful for adult conversation.  The car ride to and from is always quiet, and man, does it ever feel peaceful.  It reminds me of how much I love (and miss) spending time just with Vinny. 

Now that we know we have occasional babysitters, we are plotting for the days when Sophie is off the boob and we could escape, er, leave for an entire day (or more? Dare we wish for such a thing?). 

As good as it feels to get away and spend some quality time together, there is always such a rush of happiness when I see the kids upon our return.  Cliches tend to originate in some grain of truth, and as much as they tend to annoy me I have to admit some of them have taken on more depth for me as time passes.  What is that saying?  Absence make the heart…?  Just kidding, I know how it goes, and so do you.

To Aid You in the Early Days

A couple quick asides:

*Posts this month will be brief. I am participating in National Novel Writing Month. The goal? To write 50,000 words during the month of November. At the end of week one I am 12020 words in and working hard to maintain momentum…

*Thanks to my friend Trish for the photograph I am currently using as my blog header.

And now on to business…

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So many of my loved ones have had babies in the last several months (two in the last week), and it always takes me back to the early days of breastfeeding. Here's a list of ten things I wish I had known before I began breastfeeding:

1. That my boobs would not resemble each other in the least. They were certainly not a "pair." Rather, one nipple pointed up, one pointed down, the right nipple was about an inch lower than the left and my left breast was generally twice as big as the right one. If you feel like giving your partner a scare, flash your "new" girls and see what kind of reaction you get.

2. That I would have lumpy looking boobs thanks to the breast pads I had to wear at all times. You know, because my boobs would leak whenever they felt like it. And this didn't just last "the first few weeks" as is so often stated. No, this lasted for months. I tried several different brands of breast pads, disposable pads, re-washable pads (my ultimate preference, though they are thicker). This discovery works in close conjunction with #3… which is:

3. That none of my regular (i.e. pre-pregnancy) shirts would fit. Not that I wear hoochie clothes to begin with, but my form-fitting shirts became obscene. Nearly everything was too tight (and as you learned from #2, looked even more horrible due to the lumpy factor). Finally I gave in and bought a few new shirts, bitter that my boobs were now the cause of even more temporary clothes.

4. That I would feel like a 24-hour, buffet-style milk dispenser. I knew the little rascal would be eating frequently, especially in the early weeks, but damn, it felt like I had no sooner put him down and hoovered some lunch (or showered, or done one load of laundry, or paid one bill, or…), then he'd wake up and was ready to go again. Get used to this simple fact: for some time, life will revolve entirely around your boobs.

5. That buying a nursing bra before the baby comes, while it seems practical, will probably spell disaster. Sure your boobs get huge during pregnancy and you will think to yourself, "Surely they won't get any bigger." Just wait. Just wait and see.

6. That hot water pelting your breasts, in the early weeks of breastfeeding, will feel like torture. Suddenly showering is equal parts pleasure and pain. Drying your nipples off with a towel may bring you to tears. Proceed with caution. It's a sensitive area.

7. That it might take a long time for your baby to get it right, to be a "good" eater. One boob may be more enticing (or full) than the other. Your baby may have a hard time staying awake as he eats, latching on, etc. It's okay to become frustrated. You're both learning a new skill. Cry if you need to. This is hard work.

8. That once your baby starts sleeping for longer stretches at night, while it sounds heavenly in theory, will initially be quite painful for your boobs as they adjust to the longer period between feedings. You will believe your boobs are capable of exploding. Have your pump handy, otherwise you will be tempted to wake your little one for some relief.

9. That there will be nipple abuse. Your baby isn't doing this intentionally, of course, though in your sleep-deprived state you will begin to question whether or not he's capable of such things. Whether it's clicking, pulling back and stretching your nipple to its limits, or plain old chomping down, there will be trauma. Just know it gets better with time.

10. That there will come a point when you can see the beauty in what you are doing, sleep deprived or not, and that the bond you form with your child will become one you treasure. Now get your boob out.

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What has been/was your most surprising discovery about breastfeeding? Leave a comment and add to the list...